Leaving & Anxiety

I’m back. Did you miss me? Or notice I was gone? Used to post every day, haven’t posted in several weeks… That’s me. I’m back.

This is going to be a short one and mostly a throwaway, but let’s go for it anyway. Feel free to move on to the next post. Or the one after that, it’s pretty funny.

There are two main reasons I haven’t been on here, and while one is a good reason, the other is admittedly laughable. I was busy and I was lazy. Yeah… Since I left I’ve been either wifi-less or with plans almost every day. I know what you’re asking- “Jasper! You have no friends and even less of a social life! How on earth could you be so busy!” Well, in some nonspecific way, I was extremely busy. I’m keeping it nonspecific because I am extremely hesitant to actually mention real life people on the internet. But if you’re reading this, hey babe, hope you liked that embarrassing post that was clearly about you a couple weeks back đŸ˜‰

Now, the second part of this post! Anxiety. Again, this is pretty personal and probably incomprehensible so I’m warning you. Anxiety. Anxiety.

This blog focuses mostly on my gender, and it focuses entirely on advice and opinions, so when I think something isn’t relevant, even if it’s relevant in m own life, I don’t talk about it much. Well, here’s the part where I talk about myself. I have anxiety. I’d like to think that sometimes it’s relatively severe anxiety, but I also feel anxious to label it as severe in case it turns out it’s basically nothing and people hate me for it. In any case, I may or may not possess social anxiety disorder. I say may or may not because I refuse to be that person who self-diagnoses seventy different disorders. I think it’s likely, my therapist thinks it’s likely, it effects my life to an almost laughable degree, and I’m considering a diagnosis in the future. I bring this up because that shit has been hitting me hard recently.

The past couple weeks have been a time of mostly highs. Almost entirely highs. But when lows hit, it’s like all the anxiety of the past days creeps up on my and ambushes me all at once. Two things generally happen during these lows: 1, I feel like I’m choking to death most of the time and end up doing possibly unhealthy things to get back to normal, and 2, I fuck up my social life. Thank you to every person *coughmostlyoneperson* who has not dropped me like a hot fucking potato in the past two weeks over my constant emotional breakdowns.

Anyway, this has been mostly ranting. Why did you read this all the way through? You’re either insane or a real keeper. But I’ll try to have a normal post later… y’know. A normal post. About binding or coming out or whatever I can possibly talk about. But I’m back. Bitches. Hope you missed me.

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