Watching the closet fade away in the rearview mirror

Holy hell, guys. I’m out. I’m out. All the way out. Zippity fucking doo da this is amazing.

Over the course of about a year and a half now I have been one my personal journey to discover who I am. It took fourteen years to figure out who I am, and how far I’ve goddamn come since then. It’s remarkable.

At the beginning of this school year, as you guys may know, I was starting fresh with a pixie cut and a brand new issue with panic attacks. Yay for Jasper. Soon enough, I was rushed out of school and into an alternate program due to some serious attendance issues. Coming out started much later into that year when I admitted it to two close friends. Soon, I had chosen a name, began to fix my appearance, and even started buying a whole new wardrobe of male clothes which I still adore. It took a lot of effort and sizing issues and yet more panic attacks, but I finally managed to buy myself a ton of male pants and all of a sudden I was passing in public.

My next step was coming out to my parents- which I didn’t really need to do. They figured it out well enough on their own. They were mostly supportive, and even assisted me in buying a binder. Eventually, with the help of a certain event that you can read about in my last post and which I really don’t want to bring up for fear of making this uplifting post a downer, they started calling me Jasper, and even male pronouns. This was also around the time I started on anxiety medication and got referrals to gender identity and mental health clinics. It was with their help that I finally informed my guidance counsellor what was happening. She has been a total blessing since then. She discussed my gender with my teachers, is looking into changing my legal name in school records, and even promised to try to get me into an online gym class in grade eleven, which they can only have one student enrolled in per year.

Why am I writing about this? Because I’m pretty sure today is the culmination of all of my coming out. Today is the day that younger Jasper would be proud of, the moment when all of my coming out and all of my regulation of my anxiety finally shows itself to the world. My absolutely wonderful friend is hosting a get together to celebrate the end of the school year- and he informed all of the people there, the people I felt so distant from my entire year at school despite how often I saw them, that I am a boy. God. Fucking. Dammit. Today, Jasper claims his goddamn prize. I am out of the closet to friends, family, and now at school. Finally, I’m fully out. No more bullshitting anyone. I am who I am and now everybody knows that.

I’m really fucking happy right now, guys.


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